12 June 2008

Two Words

After three years, it is likely safe to admit that starting the Call To Duty (CTD) project was a very innocent and naive endeavor.

We were aware, of course, that the void we were intending to fill was a very necessary niche; however, I don't think that we fully understood the size of the void, nor did we comprehend the pedantic details and endless coordination of schedules filling that void would entail. Add on the challenge of creating and implementing the project within four months and you can see that accomplishment of the mission was quite miraculous and involved an incredible amount of luck.

Even rushed preparation becomes comforting in its own pattern, and the cusp between preparation and action bears a tremendous amount of uncomfortable anticipation. The cusp for the CTD project occurred at Harvard - a necessary starting location if we were to have any chance of attracting the funding and attention required to prepare CTD in such a short time - creating a situation that really was a trial by fire.

How did we prepare the speakers for this challenge? In all honesty, we didn't. Knowing that the purpose of the whole tour was to humanize the debate into something tangible rather than simply argue points of data, the panel was instructed not to prepare anything but the most basic of notes, and simply tell their story as they would a friend. Given the media experience earned in promoting the tour over the few months prior, we sandwiched the speakers between myself and Alex so as too bookend the panel with a little insurance against failure, even though there were very few similarities between a couple of well thought media bites and an eight minute intimate monologue. I would go first.

Of the five stories, mine should have been the least interesting: I was not discharged under DADT, nor did I serve in Iraq and Afghanistan. The only thing I had to offer, really, was the openness of my sexuality while serving, and even that was shared by one other panelist - Patrick, who did serve in Iraq - if to not as strong a degree.

My role, then, was not to relay my story, though the speech revolved around my experiences. Instead, it was to reveal to the crowd who and what a gay soldier was, and how a gay soldier thought, spoke, looked, walked, and joked. Most of that was accomplished with one sentence, the first: I served five years in the United States Army as a Korean linguist. It wasn't until I revealed my initial coming out story, which included the first unintentional joke in the speech, that the audience really warmed up and leaned in eagerly to hear more. The audience was ready to hear the rest of the panel with more willing ears than may have been offered otherwise.

In later events - in more conservative areas - this eagerness was accomplished with two words:

Good evening.

10 June 2008

Pockets and Clubs

COC Number Four (+) happened to involve Anne's roommate, this one being a COC of a new variety: the Indirect COC (ICOC).

This was the first instance in which I was outed by someone without my consultation, which in most cases would be described as gossip. In this situation, however, Anne wasn't giving my sexuality away carelessly, and in fact felt she was doing me a favor, as here roommate, Sarah, was a). a lesbian, and b) in with a pocket of other gays in the unit. Sarah soon-after would out me to that pocket, with myself completely unaware of the multiple ICOC occurrences.

Before I go further, I think it is necessary to explain briefly the 'pocket' phenomenon in the military. Essentially, gays have an inherent knack for finding each other wherever they're stationed, creating cliques or 'pockets' of about 6-12 service members who generally arrive in the duty station simultaneously that last the duration of a particular service member's tour, which nowadays can be between 1 and 5 years. Upon arriving at a new duty station - usually accompanied by a few members of the old pocket - the service member either finds the local pocket or creates a new one, depending on the context. The pocket serves as not only a link to the larger gay community in the area, but as a support structure for those needing empathy and comfort in an environment that encourages silence in such matters. I don't think this trend is necessarily restricted to the military, though this type of behavior seems similar to civilian gay life roughly thirty years ago, as I understand it.

I doubt Anne fully understood the details of military gay pockets - none of us did, actually, as we thought our situation quite unique - but she intuitively knew the introduction of me to the group would be very useful, and it was.

Now, how I discovered Anne's outing will be described in the next blog, as it involves Patrick's story, which eventually leads to my involvement in Servicemembers United.

08 June 2008

The Consequences of Coming Out

If you've seen any of our speaking engagements, you know the first person I ever came out to was Rob Hicks, who, along with Alastair Gamble - among others - was part of that media attention-grabbing wave of linguist discharges in 2002, mentioned a few blogs ago. What rarely comes up, on stage or in conversation, are the subsequent second, third, etc. coming-outs - comings-out? - that happened soon after, even though quite a few of those may ultimately have been of more consequence.

My second coming out - to a mutual friend of both Rob and myself - was not one of any particular significance, though having two good friends come out simultaneously did amount to a certain degree of shock for someone already familiar with gays, pre-Army. Number three, however, is much more interesting, and much more in line with the Coming-Outs of Consequence (hereafter COC's):

Anne was, and is, arguably closest embodiment of pure intent I've ever encountered, incredibly good-natured and altogether a pleasure to be around. I enjoyed Anne tremendously, so when I discovered she was going through a deep relationship crisis privately I wanted to do what I could to help ease her burden. This, of course, required a significant amount of trust on her part, so to make it easier I offered her the same amount of trust, and came out to her.

Setting what would eventually became a pattern, Anne's reaction was first shock, followed by warm acceptance, and the desired effect of the two of us being able to become closer through this trust exchange was achieved. No longer was I a nice guy mysteriously aloof about my personal life, but a full, functioning human being that was able to fit in more completely in Anne's, and eventually the unit's, periphery and core.