For Margaret

Over the past week or so my partner Alex's mom, Margaret Nicholson, has been in the ICU at Duke with a serious respiratory disorder. A week ago we didn't think she'd last longer than a day. Needless to say, the days leading up to Christmas have been difficult.

Yesterday Margaret woke up, and has been talking up a storm ever since. Well, as big a storm as someone as intubated and heavily sedated as she has been can create. There's some delirium and funny stories I'm sure she'll appreciate later, and of course there's still a chance of regression, but I feel comfortable enough now to put into writing that it looks like she'll be okay.

Heartwarming Christmas miracles aside, Margaret is one of those people that is encouraging in her purity, and just somehow...gets it. I'm not quite sure what 'it' is, but when encountering Margaret's generosity and overall good nature, one begins to suspect she possesses some sort of deep secret that only age and a small town life can reveal.

While considering what to write in today's blog, I came across a poem that seems to somewhat describe that 'it.' I've read it a few times before, but for some reason, today it resonates deeply.

The poem is called Desiderata and was written in 1927 by Max Ehrman:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
- Max Ehrmann

I'm sure in a few months I'll find this blog post ridiculously cheesy, as some of you may be finding today. I think for now I'll indulge in the moment, and worry about my reputation as a writer when cynicism once again sets in.

Papers and Obligations

It always takes me forever to begin a research paper, the one I just wrote being no exception. It’s about the dynamic of the multilateral relationship between Beijing, Pyongyang, and Washington – one of those that you pretty much already know the likely conclusion of your research before you start, but you take on as a topic anyway because there’s a lot of data out there and it’ll be an easy A. Plus, there’s tons of background information there that may eventually be useful for my thesis. Good stuff. Well, boring stuff, really. But I like it.

If the paper were broken down into smaller projects throughout the semester – each with deadlines – and eventually brought together into one big paper, it would be a much easier to handle – more palatable, I should say. Actually, I take that back, as we did do precisely that when I was an undergrad, and we bitched about writing papers then too. I think there was just an overall aversion to doing more work than necessary.

Or maybe we were avoiding the risk of learning something outside the classroom that wasn’t spoon-fed to us by our exasperated professors. Avoiding, I say, because this information may be known by no one else inside our classroom – professors included – which presents a twofold obligation: a). to take the information into account when presenting anything related to that nugget of data; and b). to connect that information to your reputation and risk being debated on the topic. In other words, we would risk being treated as an expert when we had neither the inclination nor the background to claim that title. And last thing we ever wanted to do was to fail expectations. At least, the last thing I ever wanted to do. Perhaps I’m projecting.

Eventually I just reach into that part of myself that numbs my surroundings and is focused on getting the job done, and then do just that.

Ask Not DVD Update

For those of you who either can't make it to any of the 'Ask Not' screenings or can't wait until June to watch the somewhat truncated version of the documentary on PBS, Ask Not is available on DVD as of...well, a month ago, actually. I will say that the documentary captures Servicemembers United's message quite well, and is very useful for convincing those straggling friends of yours who don't understand why it's so important to push for DADT repeal. Go back a few posts and you'll catch my admittedly biased semi-review of the doc. For more thorough reviews, just google 'Ask Not' and 'Johnny Symons' (the director), and you should get a better picture of exactly how powerful the film is.

If and when you're ready to buy the DVD, it's available at http://asknotfilm.com/anordertwo/. For public/school copies for mass screenings, the best thing to do is to contact Johnny directly, here: info@persistent-visions.com.

As far as future screenings go, I believe a few weeks before the doc launces on PBS there will be a nationwide screening at 50 theatres to promote the film. More on that later.

Seriously, this film is incredibly powerful, and one more useful tool in the fight against DADT.

Sometimes You're Caught Off-Guard

The last thing I expected to see last night while watching National Geographic was a friend’s death on camera. I won’t say which show it was, and I won’t claim we were close. We did train together, and I recall liking him a heck of a lot, which is not surprising, as he was well liked. One thing that I most deeply recall about him is his overall uncommon genuineness and dedication to his family.

I don’t think I can go farther without sounding trite.

A Change of Heart

You know, this post was initially intended to be a warning that the Proposition 8 aftermath and the associated gay militantism could scare the upcoming administration into shying away from tackling DADT anytime soon, but I think continuing on that line of thought would be defeatist and pessimistic, as future developments within American politics are already panning out in a predictable fashion, as they tend to do. So, no lecture today, unfortunately.

Why such a swift change of heart? Two reasons:

a). The American public has a ridiculously short attention span.

I know, duh, right? But, for a second there, the rise of civic engagement surrounding the Obama campaign seemed to be forcing a reexamination of cynically held truths of American political involvement.

Fast forward one month after the election, and – Proposition 8 musical and court challenges aside – most of the violent protests and newsworthy events have already died down. The initial reaction to the passage of Proposition 8, while exciting, was also unsettling, as there was an accompanying subtle threat that a significant civil rights surge could begin a few months before the advent of the Obama administration, when the same kind of surge would be much more useful four years ago - or perhaps even four years from now. Should the level of response initially exhibited continue through January, I think at best an awkward situation for the Obama administration would have been created, and quite possibly gay rights activists would have looked foolish to the greater American public for taking attention from much more pressing issues, specifically the economy.

It seems, however, that gays are indeed just as American as anyone else – crazy, I know – and Americans hate focusing on anything longer than necessary. This may change, but I’m guessing we won’t be seeing any large Prop 8 protests during Obama’s inauguration. Or at least any warranting media attention. Which is a good thing.

b). I don’t think Obama has any intention of actively pushing repeal of DADT within the first few years of his presidency, anyway. Why? Outside of dodgy comments regarding the issue that have made their way to the media, I have spurious and dubious observations of my own, based on Obama’s official civil rights agenda:

• the first two items on the gay rights list are Hate Crimes and ENDA, both of which should be ready to go through Congress immediately;
  
  
• if the placement of the first two items are any indication of priority, the placement of repeal of DOMA and passively opposing any sort of Federal marriage amendment before the repeal of DADT is telling;
  
  
• the wording used in the agenda, similar to sound-bites in the media, stress working with military leaders in repeal. While this is absolutely how the issue should be approached, it also subtly states Obama will not make the same mistake Clinton did, and force military leaders to examine the possibility of open homosexuality in the military under sharp Congressional and media scrutiny. Which in turn indicates every incentive for Obama not to even address DADT within the first few months – perhaps even years – of his administration.

What does this mean for the DADT movement in general? Mainly that we still have our work cut out for us. Given the same lack of attention span of the American public mentioned above, DADT needs to stay in the media through repeated events and research that show even more appalling costs of the policy for it to remain a priority on the gay rights list. Most importantly, more time means more opportunities for meetings with key individuals that will eventually be party to the inevitable debate once the policy does hit the floor of both Houses.

In other words, Servicemembers United is just as important as it ever has been. Rest assured, we will live up to the high standards we have set for ourselves through the Call To Duty Tour and the Flags on the Mall event, and we aim to only set the bar higher.

I have no doubt that 2009 will be an exciting year.